#cajobportal Insights : You can’t have it all in 2017

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Introduction1

There’s a moment in the movie, Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewan, where Ranbir Kapoor wants to speed off to attend the Udaipur fire show while Deepika Padukone insists him to stay over the place and enjoy the soon-to-happen Sunset. Ranbir says that what if they’ll miss it to which Deepika says something like this,”Jitna bhi try karo, life mein kuch na kuch chhutega hi. Toh jahaan hai, uska maza lete hai na”

(No matter how much you try to do in life, you will always miss out on something or the other. Therefore, try to enjoy what you have right here)

FOMO

Enter the concept of “FOMO” or “Fear of Missing Out.” We live a life that is constantly pelted with reminders of everything we are unable to become.

Smart people often ride on the confidence that they can do everything in life with equal intensity. And that’s the classic trap; a trap that makes people go thin on all ends. They start feeling frustrated in life. They may know what they should take up, but they don’t know what they should give up.  It’s hard for these high-achievers to accept that they can’t have it all.

Even those who recognize the limits on their time often still expect to be energetic and efficient enough to excel in every role: productive employee, inspiring boss and mentor, supportive colleague, active community member, and committed spouse, friend, parent, and child.

It’s a natural response to our upbringings; after all, in school we’re taught that hardworking, intelligent students can get straight A’s.

But in the messy real world, it is impossible to do everything perfectly at the same time.

You cannot pursue all your goals simultaneously or satisfy all your desires at once.

And it’s an emotional drain to think you can

FOMO

Enter the concept of “FOMO” or “Fear of Missing Out.” We live a life that is constantly pelted with reminders of everything we are unable to become.

Smart people often ride on the confidence that they can do everything in life with equal intensity. And that’s the classic trap; a trap that makes people go thin on all ends. They start feeling frustrated in life. They may know what they should take up, but they don’t know what they should give up.  It’s hard for these high-achievers to accept that they can’t have it all.

Even those who recognize the limits on their time often still expect to be energetic and efficient enough to excel in every role: productive employee, inspiring boss and mentor, supportive colleague, active community member, and committed spouse, friend, parent, and child.

It’s a natural response to our upbringings; after all, in school we’re taught that hardworking, intelligent students can get straight A’s.

But in the messy real world, it is impossible to do everything perfectly at the same time.

You cannot pursue all your goals simultaneously or satisfy all your desires at once.

And it’s an emotional drain to think you can

The Rule of 3

The way Indra Nooyi (CEO of PepsiCo) puts it, “You can’t have it all!” holds true not just for Women but also for Men!

People who are successful & satisfied both, consciously or sub consciously follow a rule of 3.

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A rule of not having more than 3 priorities in life.

 

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Largely the priority 1 and 2 is family and work (the ranking could fluctuate). And then there’s only one other thing – the 3rd priority. The 3rd could be a social cause, activism, hobby, partying, sports, philanthropy, socializing, or anything, but it’s just one thing!

Anybody who has a 4th thing on their list is bound to do it at the expense of #1 or #2 – at the expense of not being there for their families, not being able to attend to their children’s PTM, not being able to give more than 100% at work or feeling guilty about not doing anything for themselves (even a workout)!

Case-in-point

El-Erian

In Sep’14, the Oxbridge-educated economist- Mohamed El-Erian   chief executive of the PIMCO investment fund, resigned from a position where he managed £1.2trn of investments and earned $100m a year. Someone who could wrestle with the knottiest economic problems on the earth was clueless when he had to confront a domestic truth with his then 10-year-old daughter.

He was yelling at her to brush her teeth. She refused. He pulled the classic “I’m your father and you will do what I say” routine, to which she said, “Hold, please.” The girl retreated to her bedroom and proceeded to write down 22 important moments of her life that her father had missed because of work. The document presented to the financier included missing the child’s first day at school, her first football match and a Halloween parade.

The incident showed him instantly that he had allowed his relationship with his daughter to suffer at the expense of his globetrotting job.

He continued: “I felt awful and got defensive: I had a good excuse for each missed event! Travel, important meetings, an urgent phone call, sudden to-dos. But it dawned on me that I was missing an infinitely more important point.

“As much as I could rationalize it… my work-life balance had gotten way out of whack, and the imbalance was hurting my very special relationship with my daughter. I was not making nearly enough time for her.”[1]

At PIMCO, Mohamed would start his day at 2:45 a.m., be at the office by 5:45 a.m. and would not return home until 7 p.m. But that’s all changed now.

In his new job as chief economic adviser at Allianz, he has fewer work commitments and shorter hours. He says he is “grateful to experience key moments” with his daughter. “I now alternate with my wife in waking up our daughter every morning, preparing her breakfast and driving her to school,” he wrote. “I’m also around much more often to pick her up after school and take her to activities. She and I are doing a lot of wonderful talking and sharing. We’ve even planned a holiday together, just the two of us.” [2]

Summing Up

The conventional answer, the one you would get in most self-help books and inspirational seminars is some variation of “do more with less,” “practice time management,” or as Arnold Schwarzenegger once said, “sleep faster.”

But what if the answer isn’t to do more? What if the answer is to want less?

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Why not let’s simply accept our bounded potential, our unfortunate tendency as humans to inhabit only one place in space and time?

What if we recognize our life’s inevitable limitations and then prioritize what we care about based on those limitations?

What if it’s as simple as stating, “This is what I choose to value more than everything else,” and then living with it?

El-Erian’s priority was $100 million per year. His priority was CEO. His priority was private helicopters and stretch limos and bankers jerking off all over his balance sheet wherever he went. And to earn those things, he chose to give up being present in his daughter’s life.

Until one day, he chose the opposite.

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Choose your battles wisely for 2017. In the words of C. JoyBell C – “Life is too short to spend it on warring. Fight only the most, most, most important ones, let the rest go.”

May the force be with you and wish you a very Happy & Healthy New Year. God Bless!

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[1] http://www.independent.co.uk/news/business/us-financier-quits-2trn-investment-fund-after-his-daughter-writes-list-showing-22-life-landmarks-hed-9754002.html

 

[2] http://www.eonline.com/news/583168/a-ceo-quit-his-job-after-his-daughter-gave-him-a-list-of-everything-he-s-missed-in-her-life

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