Introduction

I chose the term ‘father’ just to create a dramatic eyeball grabbing headline.  This article talks about parenting in general and thus applies to we, mothers, as well

I was reading about two separate tales on the said subject matter. They were separated by ~ 5,000 years and the contrast was worth reflecting upon

 Lord Krishna – the father to Samba

One was an article titled “As corporate executives spend more time at work, they pay a price back home” published by the renowned mythologist Devdutt Pattanaik.[1] He wrote about the role of Lord Krishna as a father in the context of his son Samba.

He dupes his father\’s junior wives by disguising himself as Krishna and is cursed by Krishna that he will suffer from a skin disease that will enable his wives to distinguish father and son. He also commits numerous atrocities which include an attempts to kidnap Duryodhana’s daughter as also pretending to be a pregnant woman and duping sages who were visiting Dwaraka. Thus he sets a precedent of immoralities or adharma.

Devdutt traces his behavior patterns to Krishna’s neglect. He writes…

Can we wonder if Samba was a product of his father’s neglect? For was not Krishna spending most of his time with Arjuna and the Pandavas and in the politics of Kuru-kshetra? There are hardly any stories of Krishna as father. He is friend, philosopher and guide to Arjuna, but the only stories of father and son are of tension, rage and violence.

Regunatha Pichai- the father of Sundar Pichai

The other was Aninda Baruah’s “An entire generation sacrificed. And Google gets its new CEO!” [1]

It talks about the story of the Chennai based parents, the electrical engineer- stenographer duo, who raised the kid – Sundar Pichai, later becoming the global CEO of Google.

Sundar has often spoken in public about the sacrifices his father made to ensure that he received top notch education.

After graduating from the IIT Kharagpur, he won an additional scholarship to Stanford University. His dad applied for a loan to cover the cost of the plane ticket and other expenses. It didn’t come through, so he spend the family’s savings to ensure that he could go to Stanford.

Sundar Pichai (or for that matter Satya Nadella, Indra Nooyi, Adobe CEO Shantanu Narayen), does not just owe his success to his IIT engineering degree, or Stanford University or Google. He owes it to that entire generation, including his parents that created the culture of extreme personal sacrifice in favor of educating us. That entire generation had put their blood, soul and money into just one thing – our education; at the expense of their own personal desires; often passing away without ever seeing their own personal dreams come true

Two Contrasting Approaches

You see the contrast in the two stories, separated by almost 5,000 years? Both showcase the relationship between a parent and child – only that the first one is of sacrifice (Sundar) and the second one of neglect (Samba). And see the consequences of both.

When parents spend time guiding their children well, the results could be amazing (both for parents and children). And when parents neglect their children, the results could be disastrous.

The irony of the modern era.

 

Aren’t we seeing more of neglect these days from working parents who’ve been too busy chasing the next milestone in their careers? Earlier Bollywood movies portrayed the same. The 1984 year movie ‘Sharaabi’ depicts the neglect of a child.

Bachchan plays the role of Vicky, a rich kid born with gold and diamond studded spoon in his mouth. But he is also a sad rich kid as his father Amarnath (Pran) has very little time for him and the poor kid has no mother. Longing for his father’s love, Vicky seeks refuge in the comfort of alcohol from a very young age. By the time he reaches adulthood he is a full-fledged alcoholic whose mornings are spent guzzling the best whiskeys and nights spent the very same way.

Now with feminism on the rise, mothers have taken high profile corporate jobs and thus have equally demanding work schedules.

We’ve come to a point where for many, family is not seen as achievement and children are not seen as purpose. They are seen as obligations, duties and by-products of existence. Often girls cringe at the career break for motherhood.

Parenting has been outsourced to maids, teachers, computers, videogames and grandparents.

Absent parents rationalize how office is more important than the children: we need the money, the children eventually grow up, and surely our needs are also important. You see the EMIs of those sprawling Mumbai villas and the sedan cars have taken centre stage in our lives.

Not Money…Your Child Needs Your Time

Warren Buffett said this to a shareholder in his 2008 meeting…

I tell the students that the most important job you have is being the teacher to your children. You are the ultimate teacher. You are this great big thing that provides warmth and food and everything else while they are learning about the world. And they are not going to change a lot when they get into graduate school…

And you don’t get any rewind button. You don’t get to do it twice. So you have to do your best as a teacher – and you teach by what you do, not by what you say, with these young things.

And by the time they have gotten to this place where they are entering formal school, they have probably learned more from you than they are ever going to learn from anybody else.

Final Thoughts

 

What I have realized staying close to my 4 year old daughter is that the best time she has during the entire day is the time she spends with me or her father.

The Barbie dolls, Doraemon cartoons series or videogames, all take backstage when either me or my husband spend time with her.

Let’s not forget that corporations were means to create wealth for the family, not the other way round. So, let’s stop being only workers for the corporation.

Your child needs time with you. She needs your undivided attention. She needs to make happy memories with you. She needs to laugh with you. She needs to learn from you.

And as Buffett said, you don’t get any rewind button. You don’t get to do it twice.

So, slow down…take some time…give some time…invest some time in your children. It may have unusually great payoffs…as Sundar’s story teaches us (and even without a payoff, you would’ve done a great job).

I am sure that after this read, you will proactively take steps to ensure that your kid does not say  this to you when she grows up.

[1] https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/google-gets-its-new-ceo-thanks-entire-generations-sacrifice-baruah

[1] http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/magazines/corporate-dossier/as-corporate-executives-spend-more-time-at-work-they-pay-a-price-back-home/articleshow/48373225.cms